You Hold the Cards to Your Life

Hi and Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson Author Blog Post and Podcast.  I’m your host, Jean coming to you from the beautiful Province of Prince Edward Island, Canada!!  The blog post and podcast is an opinion piece and only reflects this author’s opinion and not that of any other entity.  This is an important thing to remember and understand about life.  You are the only one that hold the cards to your life.  If you want to find out more, then stay tuned…!

I find that there are a lot of people who don’t move past their past.  They live in the past, hold memories of grudges, pain, and harm and use it as an excuse to be angry and vengeful.  They hold someone other than themselves responsible for their actions or they hold past actions as the reason for present actions.  Though even in normal circumstances it is often said that past behaviour predicts future behaviour, it is not necessary that it stay so.  This depends on the individual and whether they want to change or not.  I’m not saying that abuse or harm didn’t happen nor do I say that it didn’t have a huge negative impact on your life.  I also don’t say that you have to be friends with them.  You don’t even have to be near them.  You just need to find a way to find peace in yourself and move on.  There is definitely harm that is created at the hands of others.  There is no question about that either.  There is realistically pain created by others.  It doesn’t have to rule who you are or who you become.

What I am saying is that you have a choice where to go from the harm enacted.  You see people have taken the worst experiences as children and adults and turned around and have done a lot with it.  Others have fallen into drugs, alcohol and other issues and yet still find ways to turn around their lives.  One example of a survivor of childhood abuse is Maya Angelou who used her experiences to write a book and became a well-known activist.  There are many celebrities who have survived childhood abuse shown in this article (https://www.ranker.com/list/famous-survivors-of-child-abuse/celebrity-lists).  I think in each case, they have found a way to take the pain and turn it into art or a way to improve things for others and in that way improve their own lives.  Now, one has to recognize that not everyone gets to take that road to being celebrity.  Not everyone will deal with it in a constructive manner.  It’s OK to want to just move forward and live a normal life.  What you have to realize is that there are choices.  You can choose to obtain help to deal with the feelings and the pain.  Not everyone is a prolific writer, painter, or other artist.  Not everyone chooses to come forward to share their pain.  That is OK too.  But, please understand that you do have choices and you, have the ability to choose what you do and how you do it.  At the same time, there are lists of celebrities who are abusive.  I say this because I’m not pushing toward or away from celebrity.  What I’m showing is that celebrity doesn’t make you different from the rest of the world.  It just makes it more visible to the rest of the world and that is where it is easiest to find examples.  So, being celebrity is in no way an answer, but gives us examples of where things can go.

As Michelle Rosenthall has said, “Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose” and this is the crux of the point I’m trying to make.  You didn’t choose to be abused.  You didn’t choose the violence perpetuated on you.  You didn’t choose the emotional harm done by others.  What you do choose is where you go from there.  It is horrible, it is, in some cases, criminal.  In some cases, it goes to trial.  In some cases, it is parental neglect and in some cases parental lack of knowledge that can create the harm.  Not many parents intend to harm their children and most do the best they can with what they know.  The point is that you have a choice of whether to let that take over your life or whether to move forward.  It took so much courage to survive your trauma and for some, it is exhausting to think about what is needed to heal.  But, if you do work toward healing, know that you are taking the courage you have and using it to make a better life for yourself, for your future and for the futures of your loved ones.  Not everyone has a perfect or idyllic childhood or great life experiences.  Even Karl Jung saw the hope in moving on to a healing path and stated, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”  Armed with this idea he wanted to help people to move toward their best selves.  That is the main aim of any worthy endeavour.  These words, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become” are so important to everyone and could become one’s battle cry on the path to healing because it allows us to understand that we can make different choices.  Who you are should not be dictated by anything other than your desire to experience a life that is authentic and real.  A life that you are proud to live.  If you are not living that life, there is still a chance to change it and move forward in a better direction.  There is always hope.

One particular thing that people don’t understand is that you don’t have to be best friends or can choose not to have a relationship with the people who created the harm.  It can happen and sometimes it can’t.  It does not mean that you hate anyone or that you are holding a grudge.  You just choose to understand that the relationship is and was not a healthy one for you and there is nothing that will be gained by either party.  Sometimes it is simply toxic to your psyche.  Sometimes you can drop the past relationship and start a new one.  It depends on whether there is an agreement on both parties that there is something to be salvaged in pursuing a relationship and it can grow into a more mature relationship.  This is something that needs serious consideration.  It depends on the people and the relationship.  I would not suggest for or against either choice.  I have chosen to walk away from bad situations for me.  Doesn’t mean it was bad for everyone, it just didn’t fit for me.

The one thing I am NOT saying and would NEVER say is that you don’t feel pain (you do and it is VERY real) and you don’t need to grieve (of course you do, that is normal).  It would be ludicrous to deny any of that as you’d never be able to heal.  As Cameron Kasky says, “Feel pain, grieve, be hurt and embrace it… but never give up hope. Things will be better. The world will be better.”  In effect, every survivor is a warrior who has gotten their scars and their pain from dealing with unbelievable circumstances.  They have survived what others have not experienced.  This is added to the fact that each person experiences the same types of things in a different way.  So what might devastate one might not be that horrible to another.  It doesn’t mean that they didn’t suffer from it just because another person didn’t.  In this way, I can determine that every survivor of abuse or bad experiences, who choose NOT to be a victim, can overcome what they had to deal with.  They can move forward to a healthy and happy life.  There is a lot of work to do, but if you survived the abuse, you can survive finding a way to heal and move forward.  It might be hard and people often quit therapy or something that was working for them because it is painful and hard.  The truth is healing is hard.  Staying stuck is far harder.  You can’t own yourself if someone else does.  You need to free yourself to be who you are meant to be.  Being caught in dysfunctional patterns will just make things more miserable for you.  You’ve already come to realize that something isn’t right.  If you hadn’t you wouldn’t be looking at information on healing and holding your own cards.  It interests you for a reason … or you’re a diehard fan.  Either way, thank you for sticking with this post.

The other thing I am NOT saying, NOR would ever say is that healing is easy.  It isn’t easy to heal.  But look at everything you have survived.  As Cheryl Strayed has said,” The place of true healing is a fierce place. It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work really, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.”  This is likely the most important thing to remember during your healing journey.  It’s not easy, there will be bumps in the road.  There will be things that you have to let go of for your own sanity.  It may change your relationships.  This is the thing that they often tell you in therapy.  Things will change as you change and some relationships might not work the way they were.  As Rachel Naomi Remen points out,” Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.”  There is a possibility that, with change, you will find the release of old unhealthy habits and relationships.  You may find that you are more at peace.  Once you heal, you no longer feel the need to be someone you are not.  You want to work toward being the most authentic version of yourself that you can be.  That is the ideal version of healing.  In reality, it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort and sometimes you catch yourself falling into old traps.  When that happens, you will recognize it.  When you do, you will feel foolish, but it is not the end of the world.  You have come equipped with all you have learned on your healing journey and you can never truly be that broken person again.  Like with any other part of life, you will still have good days and bad days.  Always remember that after the rain there is a rainbow, spring will always follow winter.  If you need a reminder, have a flowering plant in the house.  I highly recommend it.

It would be irresponsible for me to post such a heavy blog post and podcast without leaving you with some resources in the event you need to talk with someone.  If you are at a school, College or University, most have counsellors available.  Check with them and get an appointment.  If you have a job, many have programs that allow for counselling.  Below are a list of other resources.  I know I show more Canadian resources and only one American, but I am from Canada.  Each country has different resources.  It’s OK to feel upset, it’s OK to grieve.  You have choices to make that can move you forward to a happier and more fulfilled you.  If it is urgent, please go to the hospital and let them know that it is urgent and how you are feeling.  If you have someone you can reach out to that may understand, then that can help.

Canada:

https://www.ccmhs-ccsms.ca/mental-health-resources-1

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html

https://www.mhfa.ca/en/general-resources

USA

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help

Thanks for listening to my podcast and/or reading my blog post and thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures!

The Podcast matching this blog post is on Anchor FM: https://anchor.fm/a–j-pei-treasures/episodes/You-Hold-the-Cards-to-Your-Life-e1eje2f

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Keep watching for more e-books and more formats!  We’re always working on something!  Thank you!

Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson author podcast and blog post.  This week I discuss some important points to understand about the healing journey.  If you want to find out more, then stay tuned!
My indoor plants is in bloom and always remember, you can bloom too!

Published by ejstoo

E Jean Simpson, is the author, blogger, podcaster and one of the photographers of A & J PEI Treaures. A & J PEI Treasures is located on Prince Edward Island, Canada. All opinions stated in the Blog Post are my opinions and may not be that of A & J PEI Treasures. We are made up of a husband and wife team and our companion animals. There are a number of things that drew us to the Island…one of which was the natural beauty of the area. We enjoy constructing things and renovations to our place, upcycling, photography, writing, and a simpler lifestyle. Some of our e-books are winners of the Canada Book Awards (https://canadabookaward.com/). ​​​​​​​Quotes, Poems and Thoughts: With Pictures from Prince Edward Island, Canada, ​​​​​​​Rocky Mountain Memories (Accepted for the 2020 Reader's Choice General Nonfiction- https://www.tckpublishing.com/2020-readers-choice-voting-page/) *(Canada Book Award winner https://canadabookaward.com/​​​​​​​) ​​​​​​​Floral Photography: Hope of Life and for the Future *(Canada Book Award winner https://canadabookaward.com/) ​​​​​​​From the Lens of my Camera: This and That and a Big Black Cat. *(Canada Book Award winner https://canadabookaward.com/) How to Publish an E-book on a Budget of $0: Making your Dreams a Reality The Big Kid’s Magical Path to Numbers (The Big Kid's Magical Path Book 1) (Canada Book Award 2020 winner https://canadabookaward.com/) The Big Kid’s Magical Path to The Alphabet (The Big Kid's Magical Path Book 2) (Canada Book Award 2020 winner https://canadabookaward.com/) The Big Kid's Magical Path to Shapes in Nature (The Big Kid's Magical Path Book 3) The Big Kid's Magical Path to Colours in Nature (The Big Kid's Magical Path Book 4) The Big Kid's Magical Path to Insects in Nature (The Big Kid's Magical Path Book 5) More to follow! ​​​​​​​Thank you for your interest. E Jean Simpson/Andrew Simpson of A & J PEI Treasures (2019). You can find us at: ​​​​​​​https://www.pinterest.ca/ej2466/ (Pinterest) https://twitter.com/EJS08026749 (Twitter) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5zpCudGThZpEC92ZgHm13A? (YouTube) https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20155854.E_Jean_Simpson/blog (GoodReads) https://www.amazon.com/author/ejeansimpson_a-jpeitreasures (Amazon) ​​​​​​​https://www.bookbub.com/authors/e-jean-simpson-eab163aa-3938-4609-9afc-7a65b8b9ed21?follow=true (BookBub) ​​​​​​​https://www.linkedin.com/in/e-j-s-151a2219 (LinkedIn) https://aandjpeitreasures.wordpress.com/ (WordPress) New addition, we have podcasts started on Anchor FM and can be found on the following: Anchor https://anchor.fm/a--j-pei-treasures (Anchor). Anchor also distributes the podcast to: Breaker https://www.breaker.audio/e-jean-simpson-bed-ba-ma-author-a-and-j-pei-treasures Google Podcasts https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81MDJkOTZjOC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Pocket Casts https://pca.st/he6mroww RadioPublic https://radiopublic.com/e-jean-simpson-bed-ba-ma-author-8grQ72 Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1xzUQzKzGyAChOXT4WLe1Z Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/e-jean-simpson-bed-ba-ma-author-a-j-pei-treasures/id1558288352?l iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-e-jean-simpson-bed-ba-ma-a-82327485/ https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/e-jean-simpson-bed-ba-ma-autho-1715585 ​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​ *(Canada Book Award winner https://canadabookaward.com/​​​​​​​) is noted on books that won

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